Till Death Does Us In
by Ama no Murakumo
Summary: What happens when Rei sees Shinji and a certain bridge bunny enjoying each other's company? She gets them married, of course! Chaos ensues as the two get used to their new marital status. Takes place after the 5th Angel. OOC Shinji and Rei. ShinjixMaya
1. It Begins

Disclaimer: Don't own Evangelion. Gainax does. Don't sue me over something I don't own please.

Author's Notes: Hey everyone! Ama no Murakumo here. For those of you who have read my other story, A Moon's Shadow, sorry about the lack of updates. I'm having a serious case of writer's block in regards to that story so for now, I decided to go ahead and start something new until I get hit by inspiration. Hope you all like this story. Keep in mind that Shinji will be slightly OOC in this story. This story is inspired by the fic I Do by Innortal. Just thought I'd give credit where it's due.

On with the story!

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**Till Death Does Us In**

_by Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 1: It Begins**

At first glance, Shinji Ikari did not appear to be somebody you would call confident. After being abandoned by his father Gendo Ikari at a young age, he was forced to live with one of his father's brothers and grew up with very few friends in his life. Now, at the age of 14, he found himself back in Tokyo-3 after an order from his father forced him to return.

Initially, Shinji had held onto the faint hope that his old man wanted to make amends for the past. That hope was crushed, however, when Gendo revealed that he had sent for his estranged son for one simple reason: To pilot the biomechanical behemoth known as Evangelion Unit-01 against a relatively unknown enemy known only by the codename 'Angel.'

That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Shinji. The young man had pretty much disowned his father in his heart and vowed that one day, the man would pay for the pain that he put him through.

His first two battles against the Angels had been bad enough, what with the Third breaking his arm and the Fourth burning his hands with those damn whips. But the Fifth Angel had been worse than the other two combined.

In his first sortie against that particular Angel, he had been blasted by its partical cannon the instant he had hit the surface. Shinji Ikari had learned that day what it felt and smelled like to be a human BBQ, it he didn't like it one little bit. Even though he had won with the help of Rei Ayanami, the enigmatic First Child, and the JSSDF's positron rifle, the brown-haired boy was still fuming in his mind about it. For God's sake, his chest was still tinged pink and tender from the pain!

Add onto that the torture of living with NERV's Tactical Operations Officer, one Misato Katsuragi, and the stress was enough to nearly drive the boy insane. If he had to, he would go before the UN himself and suggest that the woman's 'cooking' be used as a biological weapon against the Angels. Her latest culinary delight had actually managed to eat its way through the apartment floor like a high grade acid.

Fortunately, not everything was going down the shitter for the Third Child. Shortly after the battle with the Third, Shinji had made friends with Maya Ibuki, one of the bridge technicians that oversaw his battles and worked with the MAGI supercomputers. He found the short-haired young woman to be great company. She never pushed him to talk about things that made him uncomfortable and had offered him a listening ear if he ever needed one. Lord knew Misato wouldn't have done much to help him. In addition, he had finally gotten Rei to accept his offer of friendship after the battle against the Fifth. At the moment, Shinji and Maya were having a conversation outside one of NERV's many rec rooms about the boy pilot's rapidly increasing sync ratio, which had skyrocketed from 40 during his first battle to an impressive 72.

"I'm serious Shinji!. If you keep this up, you'll end up surpassing the Second Child's record. Last I heard, her sync ratio was hovering around 76."

"I know Maya, but I don't really care for that. By the way, aren't the Second and Unit-02 being transferred here soon?"

"Yeah, but I don't know much of anything about the girl. Just her name: Asuka Langley Sohryu. I heard Captain Katsuragi was her guardian when she was in NERV Germany."

"Great. If there's something loopy about this Asuka girl, then I know who to blame."

"Ha ha ha Shinji that's not nice! Even if it is true..."

Unknown to the two, Rei Ayanami was standing around the corner, listening to the two banter back and forth about their coworkers. Now Rei was a girl that was driven by logic above all else. Couple this with her hobby of reading romance novels and her high sense of impressionism, and you have a girl that tends to read situations regarding relationships in a slightly twisted manner. Watching Shinji and Maya from her vantage point, the gears in Rei's head began to turn. Ever since the incident with the Fifth Angel, she had come to regard the shy pilot of Unit-01 as a brother figure, and as such wanted nothing more than to see him happy. Taking stock of the events occuring in front of her, she could only come up with one reason why the two were conversing in the manner in which they were.

_'It seems as if Shinji and Lt. Ibuki deeply care for each other. From what I've read in my books, if a man and woman care for each other as such, then they get married. Why have they not done so yet? Perhaps they are embarrassed about what others might think. I'll talk with the local records office and see to it that they have nothing to worry about. They are my only friends and I simply wish for them to be happy...'_

Her objective in mind, Rei made haste for the Tokyo-3 Courthouse, intent on procuring the necessary paperwork to ensure her psuedo-brother's happiness. Hey, she believed it...

**(Three Days Later: Katsuragi Apartment)**

"What do you mean Shinji's being transferred out of my care!?"

"Sorry Captain. But that's what the order says. Pilot Ikari is to be transferred to an apartment in Block C Sector 4," was the Section-2 agent's reply, obviously uncomfortable with telling the irate Misato that her live-in maid was moving out. Said maid, though, had thoughts on the opposite end of the spectrum.

_'Thank you God! I'm getting the hell outta here!'_

"Oh, that's right. Pilot, I was informed to give this to you as well." With that, the agent handed Shinji a manilla folder that had his name on it.

"Hmmm. Wonder what this is?" Shinji opened the folder and pulled out a thin sheet of paper. Upon reading it, his eyes bulged to the size of dinner plates as he let out an ear-splitting shriek. Interestingly, another shriek accompanied Shinji's at the same exact time, both saying the exact same thing.

"WHAT THE HELL!!" In Shinji's hand was a marriage certificate, stating that he was now married to Maya Ibuki...no, make that Maya Ikari now. The sight of the paper sent the Third Child's mind into a wild circle.

_'I'm married to Maya! I'm a dead man! I'm married to Maya! I'm a dead man!'_ After a minute of this, Shinji finally found the proverbial light bulb going off in his head that signals an idea.

_'Just how the hell did this happen?'_

Staring at Misato, Shinji weighed his options. Live with Misato and die of food poisoning, or live with Maya and likely be castrated. Didn't take long for him to decide.

_'Oh well. If I'm gonna die, I may as well die happy.'_ That in mind, he picked up and said his goodbyes to Misato, who surprisingly had not figured out why he was freaking out before joining the agent in the car that would take him to his new apartment, which he suspected was connected to his new marital status.

**(Ikari Apartment)**

On reaching his new place, Shinji stepped out of the vehicle only to be approached by an obviously livid Maya. Putting his hand up to stop her advance, he looked her in the eyes and said, "Listen Maya, I have no idea how this all happened but I intend to find out." Hearing this statement instantly cooled the older woman's jets and, thinking about their situation, she was now sporting a huge blush.

_'Well...I guess things aren't that bad. And besides if I were to be forced to marry any guy I know, then I'd rather it be Shinji. I know he'd never hurt me.'_

"Well Shinji, what do you think about this situation," was Maya's first question.

"Personally, I'm kinda shocked. But at the same time, I'm happy that it was you I was forced into this with. Anyone else, and I'd likely lose it." Hearing her new husband basically mirror her own sentiments in words, Maya's blush intensified followed by one on Shinji's face as well. Looking at each other, they spoke in perfect unison, asking the question that had been plaguing them since they saw the marriage certificates.

"Who did this?"

Deciding to talk about it more later, they started carrying their personal things into the apartment. Luckily, they didn't own a lot. In fact, the heaviest object they had was Shinji's cello since the apartment came fully furnished. Working together they managed to have everything brought in and organized in a little under two hours. Lightly sweating, they sat down on their new couch and finally took the chance to look around their new home. Needless to say, they were both impressed and happy. Full of earthen-toned leather furniture, pure cherry wood dressers and cabinets, creme white walls, and hardwood floors, the apartment conveyed a sense of comfort and relaxation that neither had ever had the pleasure to enjoy in any of their previous homes.

Smiling, Shinji looked over at Maya and took her hand in his, causing them both to blush again. Taking a deep breath, the young man said, "Maya, would you like to tell me about yourself?"

"Huh?"

"Well if we're gonna be married, then we should at least know more about each other."

"Point taken. Well, I just turned 20 last month, I'm originally from Tokyo-2 where I lived until I came here 2 years ago after getting a job at NERV, and some of my hobbies include reading mystery novels and cooking. How about you?"

"I was actually born here in Tokyo-3 but I lived in Osaka with my uncle for over 10 years before I got called back here by the King of Assholes." Hearing Shinji's name for his father, Maya giggled. "But anyway, my hobbies include playing the cello, cooking, and sketching."

The ice broken, the two newlyweds spent the rest of the day learning about each other and talking about what they wanted to do in the future. Even though they had been forced into this, the two had let their inhibitions go and decided to try and make their new relationship work. Only time would tell if it truly would. Speaking of Gendo...

**(NERV HQ: Commander Ikari's office)**

Gendo Ikari, resident asshole of Tokyo-3 and the man who ruled said city with an iron fist, was feeling in a particular vindictive mood today. He couldn't exactly explain it, but lately he had been feeling the urge to make his son especially miserable. Looking through the piles of paperwork that littered his desk, he was searching for any reason at all for torturing the Third Child. Behind him, Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki was staring at a small pile of related papers detailing the recent move of both Pilot Shinji Ikari and Lt. Maya Ibuki into the same apartment. Reaching the final paper in the file, his eyes grew wide at discovering the reason for the transfer of residence. He knew the two were close, but THAT close...The aged Sub-Commander looked to his boss who, in classic comedic fashion, had dropped his pen while lifting it to sign a rejection of vacation time requested by Captain Katsuragi and was now under his desk attempting to retrieve it. Sighing, Kozu looked at the paper in his hand once more before opening his mouth to speak.

"Gendo, did you realize that your son and Lt. Ibuki have moved in together?"

"No. Just who authorized that anyway?"

"Apparently it was you. It has your signature on it..."

"WHAT! I never authorized that! It's a forgery!"

"I don't mean to put my foot in my mouth, sir, but is it possible that you were drunk when you authorized it?"

"Don't play coy with me sensei..." Fuyustuki shook his head and decided to deliver the final blow.

"Well it appears that the reason for their move request was because of the fact that they are now married. You would think they'd announce something like that..." Keep in mind folks that Gendo is still under the desk as this was said.

"WHAT!!"

BAM!

Shocked, Kozo could only stand stock still as he watched Gendo Ikari, NERV's 'great and mighty' Supreme Commander jump up in surprise only to smash his head into his solid oak desk with the force of a jackhammer. The result: Gendo was now laying unconscious in a pool of his own blood as Fuyutsuki pressed the button to signal the secretary.

"Yes sir, Commander?"

"This is Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. Contact Dr. Akagi and have her bring a stretcher. The Commander is currently unconscious."

"How!"

"Believe it or not, he hit his head on the desk."

When Ritsuko arrived on the scene, she had to let herself into the office due to the fact that the secretary wouldn't stop laughing hysterically.

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Well that's it for Chapter 1 of the fic. Please read and review. I wanna know how I'm doing and could use ideas for funny situations.

Next up on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 2: Removing an Obstacle. With Commander Ikari hospitalized, Shinji and Maya seem to have a clear path to pursue their new relationship, but Shinji decides to prove he is truly Gendo's son. How? Read and find out! Also, the couple find out who is responsible for their predicament and talk with Rei about her actions. have fun till the next update!


	2. Removing an Obstacle

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, so stop trying to sue me over it!

Author's Notes

Thanks everyone for all the reviews that you've sent. It's good to know that I'm doing well with the story. Hope to keep you all laughing through this one cause it's gonna be a long one if I have anything to say about it.

Now then, on with the story!

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**Till Death Does Us In**

_by Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 2: Removing an Obstacle**

"You mean to tell me that my father knocked himself out cold by smashing his head on the desk?"

"That about sums it up."

"Why am I not surprised at this?"

After Commander Ikari had unintentionally sent himself to the NERV Medical Ward, the Sub-Commander had summoned all of the relevant people to break the news. Currently, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi was explaining the circumstances surrounding the Gendo's accident. Needless to say, nobody was in any hurry to wish the guy well, especially his son Shinji.

"It seems the blow has sent the Commander into a comatose state. There's no telling when he'll come out of it."

Misato decided to add her two bits to the conversation by asking, "So I guess this means Sub-Commander Fuyustuki is in charge now?" The old man nodded.

"Temporarily I am. If Gendo's state doesn't improve, I'm afraid the SEELE council may try to remove me. Add to that, we would have to open the Commander's will as well. He left instructions stating that we should only open it in the event of his death or his being rendered into a vegetative state."

Shinji could only shake his head, wondering what could have possessed the man who gave him life to have an accident of this magnitude.

'_Oh well. If my hunch is correct, he left us something in that will to make our lives easier. It'd certainly be something the arrogant jackass would do._'

Sitting next to the young man was Maya, who could only stare at the prone form of her father-in-law, wondering if her and Shinji's surprising marriage had something to do with this predicament. Little did she realize how right she was on that point. Ritsuko simply jotted down some notes and turned to the rest of the group.

"Alright everyone, let's go. The Commander obviously won't be waking up anytime soon so we should let him rest for now." Shinji shook his head.

"You guys go on ahead. I wanna stay here for a couple more minutes."

"Are you sure Shinji?"

"Yeah don't worry about me Maya. I just have some things I need to think about."

"Okay." Nodding to her husband, Maya got up and followed the others outside. Once they had all left, Shinji turned around and looked at his father, smirking. The man was truly helpless at this point, having all sorts of IV machines hooked up to him in order to keep him alive. Shinji knew that his opportunity for revenge had come.

'_Bastard thought he had me under his thumb, did he? I already know what he'd try if I left him here to wake up later: He'd try to threaten Maya to keep me under control. Well, guess what Gendo Ikari? The puppet has turned on the puppeteer.__**'**_

Looking around the room to make sure there were no security cameras, Shinji walked over to the wall where the machines were all plugged in and kneeled down. Taking the many plugs in hand, the normally shy pilot of Unit-01 tugged them all out at once, shutting the machines down. Getting up and opening the door to leave, Shinji looked once more at his father and smiled, not regretting for a moment what he just did.

"I won't let that monster hurt Maya, even if I have to kill him to keep her safe." With that, Shinji locked the door from the inside and left. Since nobody really liked the Commander, no one, not even Ritsuko, bothered to check on him and thus it wasn't surprising that they found a dead body in the room when they finally looked inside a week later.

**(NERV HQ: Briefing Room)**

"What do you mean the Commander's dead?"

"It's true Captain Katsuragi. We just found him this morning. It seems as if the IV's were unplugged. We're conducting an investigation into the matter."

Okay folks, let's be honest: That was a big fat lie on Fuyustuki's part. But hey, gotta keep up appearances right?

"So now what? You said something about a will last week, didn't you?"

"That's true. Dr. Akagi and I have opened the will and, frankly, we're a bit unnerved by what was inside." This caught the attention of the stoic Rei, who was still a bit shocked at hearing about the Commander's death.

"What do you mean, Sub-Commander?"

"Well…it seems that my suspicions about Gendo being a con artist were justified. It turns out that through extortion and a couple slick deals, he managed to literally and legally gain ownership of NERV and everything associated with it; the Evas, the Geofront, everything." Now everyone else was listening. Maya was the first to speak up.

"Wait, so who did he leave all that to?"

"Believe it or not, he left everything to Shinji." At that, all eyes turned to the boy in question.

"What exactly does that mean, Commander Fuyutsuki?"

"I'm not the Commander here, Pilot Ikari, as that title now officially belongs to you."

"Say WHAT! I'm Supreme Commander of NERV!?" Hearing that their new boss was a 14 year old boy, everybody in the room suddenly felt their minds going into overdrive.

'_I'm the Commander now? Well this certainly wasn't my intention but I'm definitely gonna make the most of it._'

'_I can't believe it! I'm actually married to the Supreme Commander now! I wonder how Shinji's gonna operate everything?_'

'_So Pilot Ikari has been made Commander. I wonder if he is happy with this news.'_

'_Oh great, Shinji's my boss now. I hope he's a bit more lenient on drinking on the job than his old man was._' (Three guesses as to who was thinking this and the first two don't count)

Noticing that everyone's eyes were glued to him, Shinji simply stood up and cleared his throat. Looking to Fuyutsuki, he asked, "Sub-Commander, what's the status of NERV's budget?"

Stunned, the older man stated, "Well thanks to some creative lying on the part of the former Commander, NERV managed to glean more than twenty times the money that he actually needed for HQ expenditures from the council."

(Whistles) "Damn that old geezer really _was_ a con artist. So what did he do with the extra money anyway?"

"He hid it away into a secure account in the case that he needed to make a quick getaway for any reason."

"Well I guess as the new Commander, I oughta put that cash to good use. Here is my first declaration as Supreme Commander of NERV Japan…" Everybody was holding there breath, waiting to see what Shinji would say, "Pay raises for everybody!"

The effect was instant. Makoto and Shigeru threw themselves at Shinji's feet and starting chanting Kumbaya to his name. Misato cheered loudly and pulled out a beer from God knows where before chugging the thing down like a vacuum. Fuyustuki let out a sigh of relief, thankful that Shinji was at least trying to make his employees happy. Ritsuko was laughing as she watched Maya latch onto her husband (Shockingly nobody had been informed by Fuyustuki about their marriage so far, not even Dr. Akagi) and smother him with butterfly kisses all over his cheeks.

Once everyone managed to calm themselves down, Shinji looked around the room at everyone and began speaking, "Alright everyone things are going to change around here. I intend on fixing every single problem that my father created. First of all, we need to deal with the SEELE council. I understand that they're the ones who have funded NERV since the beginning but they seem to think their word is law. Not anymore. I won't let myself get pushed around by these old men because you are all my friends and I intend on protecting you. Once they're taken care of, we can work full tilt on stopping the Angels. Dr. Akagi, I'm entrusting you with developing new weapons that we can use in combat. Misato, I'll admit that you're personal habits could use a little fine tuning," at this, everyone snickered at the blushing captain, "but you're track record as a tactician is top notch. I hereby promote you to the rank of Major and you will get an appropriate pay raise. I expect you to keep up the good work and am trusting you with the lives of myself and Rei when we go into battle. You are all dismissed for now."

By the end of his little speech, everyone was looking at the young Commander in a new light. This wasn't a little boy they were taking orders from. No, Shinji was taking responsibility like a man and thoroughly intended to get things done.

As everyone filed out and back to their respective posts, Maya linked her arm with Shinji's as they walked and whispered in his ear, "Shinji don't you think we should tell everyone about us?"

"Later. I was planning on telling them after Asuka arrives since I didn't want to tell the story more than once."

The couple looked up and saw Misato strolling over.

"Commander I wanna thank you for your trust in me and I just want you to know that I'll do my best!"

"Glad to hear it Misato. By the way, aren't you due to pick up the Second Child tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Why, is something wrong?"

"No, I was just going to suggest that you take someone with you. I have a bad feeling about the mission and wanted to ask that Maya and I go with you and have Unit-01 on standby in a carrier jet. If we get attacked out there, I'd feel more comfortable knowing we had two Evas to fight with."

"Good thinking, sir. I'll have Makoto dish out the appropriate orders. See you tomorrow then." Misato turned to leave.

"Oh and Major…"

"Yes sir?"

"You might wanna reconsider your attire. While I may not be the tyrant my father was, I feel that we need to maintain a sense of professionalism and frankly, I doubt that the miniskirt counts."

Looking at herself, Misato let out a loud _EEP _as she noticed her panties peeking from underneath her skirt. Pushing the offending garment down, Misato stuttered an apology and took off down the corridor. Laughing to themselves, Shinji and Maya turned the corner, only to run into Rei.

"Oh, Rei. Sorry we bumped into you like that."

"It is alright. It isn't a problem. So are the two of you happy with being married?"

"Actually it's going much better than we…" The two suddenly stopped and looked at the pale girl in shock, "wait a minute, how did YOU know we were married?"

"I was the one who informed the courthouse of your marital status. Was that wrong?" Now Maya decided to speak up.

"Wait a second…it was you! You're the one who married us and moved us into that apartment!"

"Correct. Are you not happy with the arrangements?"

Thy opened their mouths to speak when they firmly shut them. The girl had them there. While they were upset to learn Rei did it without telling them, they couldn't deny their feelings. They _were_ happy with the arrangements and Rei obviously knew it. Probably the large smile on her face is what gave it away.

Shaking his head, Shinji looked Rei in the eyes and said, "Look Rei. We aren't upset that we're married now that we've gotten to know each other a lot more. But we ARE upset that you didn't tell us about it beforehand."

"I understand. In the future I will endeavor to tell you about such things before taking action."

"Thanks Rei. That's all we ask of you." Maya smiled at her husband's kindness and put her hand on the younger girl's shoulders, prompting her to look up.

"Rei, would you like to have dinner with us tonight?"

**(The next day: Ikari Apartment)**

As the sun rose over the horizon and its rays filtered into the Ikari home, Shinji's eyes fluttered open as he looked down at the young woman clinging to his side. He smiled as he remembered the way they cuddled together after Rei had gone home for the evening. Shinji had even ordered his fellow pilot to move into an apartment several floors below theirs because of the crappy condition of her old one.

Once she left, Shinji had led his wife to their bed and spent most of the night planting soft kisses on her skin to soothe her. Maya had asked Shinji a couple days earlier why they hadn't consummated their marriage yet even though they had agreed to their new relationship, and he had told her that he wanted it to be special for them and had promised to take her anywhere she wanted for their honeymoon.

Obviously, Maya was more than happy with this agreement and the couple had starting sharing intimatacy without removing all of their clothes.

Watching her eyes come open, Shinji lifted her chin slightly and kissed her, trailing his fingers around her neck. Pulling back, Maya smiled and hugged Shinji around the waist.

"I could get used to waking up like that every morning," she said as she lifted herself out of bed and made her way to the closet, smirking as she noticed her husband's eyes transfixed to her shapely panty-clad rear. Pulling out their official NERV uniforms, she tossed his behind her, giggling as it landed on his head. Shaking his head, Shinji stretched and stood up as the pair began to get dressed. Buttoning up his new Commander's uniform, Shinji gave Maya a peck on the cheek.

"Hey Shinji. What you told me last night…was it true?" Last night during dinner, Shinji had told Maya about his meetings with Kozo and Ritsuko in which they told him everything about SEELE and Gendo's plan for Instrumentality. Upon seeing the Rei clones, Shinji had ordered that new souls be put into them and that they be allowed to try and live normal lives, much to his companions' surprise.

Ritsuko also showed the new Commander that she had somehow managed to salvage Gendo's soul from his body. A smirking Shinji ordered that clones of Gendo be made and for the soul to be uploaded into one immediately. When asked for what purpose that would serve, Shinji simply said, "Stress relief."

"Yeah, it was all true. I'm still kinda shocked myself about it all."

"And what did you mean when you said that you wanted to use your father's clone for stress relief?"

"Let's just say that if the stress of being Commander gets to be too much, I'll always have a punching bag…"

"Shinji, that is a cruel and underhanded thing to do to him…can I join in?" Shinji face-vaulted at his wife's remarks but simply nodded his approval to her. Shaking his head, he turned the conversation to something more important.

"So are you ready to meet the Second Child, Maya?"

"Yeah. I just hope everything goes smoothly."

"Doubt it. I heard that the Admiral in charge of the transport is a stubborn old goat. He's probably gonna give us a hard time."

"Well as Supreme Commander, you out-rank him don't you?"

"True, but I was hoping to hold that particular card until I really need to use it. Besides, if the Second Child figures out my position, she'll probably start trying to be a kiss-ass."

"He he he I guess you have a point there. Well, let's go. The plane's leaving soon."

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Well that's it for Chapter 2. Yes, I killed Gendo and had him brought back. Shinji makes a much better Commander and this allows me to keep bashing the old fart around. Sorry about the lack of humor in this one but trust me, it gets better starting in the next chapter. Keep sending those reviews people! I love your comments.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 3: Digging One's Own Grave or Why Insulting your Boss is a _**Bad**_ Idea. The trio of Shinji, Maya, and Misato go to pick up Asuka from the _Over the Rainbow_. What happens when Asuka starts acting like herself? Bad news for the redhead, no doubt! Also, Shinji starts going back to school after the transfer of Unit-02. Will he be able to conceal his new job? Probably not! Hope to see ya next time!


	3. Digging One's Own Grave

Disclaimer: Gainax owns Evangelion, not me. Don't send your lawyers after me as I'm allergic to sharks.

Author's Notes

1) For those of you who are hoping for some hot Shinji x Maya action, that will come in the next chapter.

2) Please keep sending those reviews everyone! I'm glad to know the story is so popular.

3) This note is for all Asuka lovers: Beware as this story contains not only massive amounts of Gendo-bashing but also plenty of ragging on everyone's favorite redheaded German.

Now that that's over with, on with the story!

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**Till Death Does Us In**

_By Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 3: Digging One's Own Grave **_or_** Why Insulting Your Boss Is A **_**Bad**_** Idea!**

Misato Katsuragi was not what you would call a morning person. Hell, she hated mornings almost as much as she hated going without beer for a couple hours. So it was no surprise to find that she was rather miffed at having to be on an airplane at 8:00 AM, despite it being her job to pick up the Second Child and Evangelion Unit-02. The only reason she wasn't vocally expressing her discomfort was actually sitting right in front of her in the form of one Shinji Ikari, NERV Japan's young Supreme Commander. Unfortunately, her boss was also part of the reason for her current state of irritation.

Shinji looked at his former guardian and tapped her shoulder. "You look upset Misato. What's going on? Still disagree with getting up in the morning?" The purple haired major looked at him with a pointed frown, shifting her gaze to the young mousy haired woman sitting next to him.

"That's part of the reason, but I still can't believe that you and Maya got married without telling me," she said. The couple in front of her had decided to inform her of their unintended but still happy marriage while on board the transport VTOL.

Maya sighed, "Look Major Katsuragi, I understand why you're upset but couldn't you at least try to be happy for us now that you know?" Misato let out a groan of frustration. Looking at the two, she admitted that it was hard to stay mad at them for something they had absolutely no control over, especially since they explained that Rei was the one responsible for it. Looking outside, she noticed that they were quickly approaching their target.

"Well guys, there's the _Over the Rainbow_. Asuka's on that ship so try to be nice, okay?"

"I'll be nice if she does," Shinji said, having read the German girl's psyche profile. Personally, he didn't like what he had seen in that file.

As the VTOL touched ground, Shinji hopped out and held out his arms for the two older women to grab as he helped them down. Maya smiled and kissed his cheek, telling Misato that she was lucky to have such a gentleman as her husband. The couple followed Misato around the deck for several minutes as she searched for the girl they were there to retrieve. Grinning, she led the group towards a young full-figured redhead wearing a pale yellow sundress.

Smirking, the girl in question sauntered over to the trio, "Ah Misato, it's been years hasn't it?"

"Sure has, Asuka. You've definitely grown a lot since I last saw you," Misato replied.

"I know, and it isn't just my height. My figure's filled out quite a bit too." As if to prove her point, Asuka struck a model's pose while staring at the two other arrivals that accompanied her old guardian.

She pointed at Shinji and said, "So…is this the Third Child?" Misato nodded with a smile.

"Yep that's Shinji. The other woman is Maya. She works with Ritsuko on the MAGI."

Asuka walked up to the boy and started circling him like a scientist examining a test subject. Finally, the girl frowned and turned her back.

"He seems a bit dull to me. There's nothing special about him." Maya glared at the girl as she started putting down her husband, though she was inwardly smirking.

'_So the firebrand thinks she's so great. She has no idea that she's insulting her boss. Bad career move little girl,_' she thought, knowing that Asuka would later regret her actions. Then again, maybe not...

Shinji sighed, already expecting Asuka would make fun of him. Feeling a slight breeze, he turned around as he knew the wind would probably pick up the German's dress. True to form, as soon as Asuka turned back around to face the group, her dress was blown up by the wind, revealing her taste in undergarments to all. The fact that Shinji wasn't facing her was completely lost to the girl as she instantly thought that justice needed to be dished out.

So, growling at the boy she turned him around, lifted her hand, and brought it across his face with a yell of…

"You pervert!" SMACK!

"YOU LITTLE BITCH!!" That was all the warning Asuka got before she was tackled by an enraged Maya Ikari, who brought the younger girl down hard onto the deck before slamming her fist into her nose.

Misato could only watch in horror as the normally timid and non-violent Maya proceeded to kick six shades of shit out of the German hellion. Shinji, the burning sensation on his face forgotten, pumped his fist into the air and cried out, "Go Maya! Kick her ass!"

The major looked at her Commander as if he just sprouted an extra head and a pair of breasts. "Shinji! You're not supposed to encourage this!"

Laughing at the situation Asuka just got herself into, Shinji finally pulled his wife off of the girl, who was now sporting a busted lip, two black eyes, and a bloody nose, to say nothing of the varied bruises now covering her face and body. Eventually calming Maya down, Shinji led the group headed to the elevator, where Misato was accosted by an unshaven man that he didn't recognize.

"Kaji, you lecher," the older woman screamed, slapping the guy in much the same way Shinji had been slapped by Asuka just minutes ago. The man, now identified as Kaji, was instantly pulled into a bone-crushing hug by Asuka as he scratched the back of his head with a silly grin on his face.

"Sorry Katsuragi, I couldn't help myself. It really has been too long." Shinji already didn't like this guy. He gave the feeling of a confident ladies' man and Shinji was, if anything, extremely protective of his wife. With Misato yelling at her former lover, the group got into the elevator that would take them to the Admiral.

Inside the ride was quiet, at least until Maya let out a squeak, "Who just grabbed my ass!"

Chuckling, Kaji leaned forward and whispered in her ear, ""Sorry about that Miss Ibuki. It's kind of hard to move my hands in this tight space."

Shinji growled. '_That does it, Casanova…_' he thought, subtly bringing his knee hard into the older man's groin. The impact elicited a loud grunt of pain as Shinji smiled and said,"Sorry 'bout that Mr. Kaji. There's not much leg room in here."

"No sweat, kid. It's no biggie," Kaji groaned, his voice now several octaves higher than before, much to the women's entertainment. Asuka glared at Shinji and prepared to hit him again, except Maya dug her nails into the Second Child's leg and gave her a look that plainly said, "Just try it, little missy."

The elevator finally reached its destination as the group piled out and stood before the Admiral. Grunting, the man looked at the file in his hand before speaking.

"So this is NERV's ragtag group. I still don't know why you're here." Misato stepped forward and cleared her throat.

"Admiral, we're here to ensure Unit-02's safe transport and deliverance. It's all been ordered by the Commander, as I'm sure you're aware," she explained, flashing Shinji a knowing smile. Not impressed, the Admiral turned around.

"Either way, I won't allow you to activate that toy on my ship."

Not liking his attitude, Shinji said, "With all due respect, _sir_, if an emergency occurs, than I'm pretty sure NERV's authority overrides your own. In addition, Unit-01 is available on standby overhead in the case of an attack by enemy forces."

The old man snorted and dismissed them, not really caring about what Shinji said. Before they had taken four steps out the door, Asuka grabbed Shinji and started dragging him away, much to Maya's irritation.

"You're coming with me, Third Child."

**(Unit-02 Hangar)**

"It's red," Shinji said, not really getting the reason why he was dragged here to see something he would eventually see anyway. Glaring, Asuka pointed at him accusingly.

"You don't understand a thing, do you Third? My Eva is the first one built specifically for combat. It blows your Test Type and the Prototype out of the water."

Shinji shook his head in defiance. "Until I've seen it in battle, I'll have to disagree with you on that point. In case you haven't heard, Asuka, I took on the first two Angels alone and won, the first battle done without any prior training on my part." The redhead could only seethe in anger at Shinji's obviously disrespect of her greatness.

Before she could manage a retort, the ship suddenly shook violently. Surprised, the two made their way outside and looked over the side of the ship. They watched as a massive shadow shot across the water, tearing ships apart like paper dolls. Shinji instantly knew what it was.

"The Sixth Angel."

Smirking, Asuka turned to her companion and lifted her head up. "Well, Third Child, now you get to see me in action. You're coming with me in Unit-02 to watch."

"I don't think so," Shinji said coolly.

"WHAT!"

The boy took his plugsuit out of his bag and turned around a corner, saying, "Unit-01 is being dropped on deck as we speak. Nothing short of Armageddon is gonna get me in there with you after your actions earlier." Needless to say, Asuka was a little peeved at the balls Shinji had in talking back to her like that. Grumbling, she slipped into her own plugsuit and started activation of Unit-02 while Shinji ran outside to board Unit-01.

Back in the ship's cabin, Misato and Maya were arguing with the Admiral over how to deal with the threat when they all took notice that both Evas were standing on deck and waiting for orders.

Grabbing the mic, Misato cheered, "All right, you two. Way to hustle! Let's do this!"

Playing hopscotch with the ships, the two titans made their way to the Angel's position, engaging their prog knives as the creature made a leap out of the water and straight at Shinji.

"Oh no you don't, you overgrown sardine!" With a loud bellow, Shinji expanded his AT-Field and jammed his knife up through the Angel's chin, rolling back and launching it back into the water. This went on for several minutes, neither Unit managing a hit on the core. Back in the cabin, Misato saw Kaji taking off in a helicopter and screamed for the Admiral to shoot the coward down.

"I would if I could, but all the anti-air missiles were knocked overboard but your toys." Misato could only groan as Kaji made his getaway. Shinji noticed this and patched a com line to Fuyustuki. Thankfully, Asuka couldn't hear anything that was said.

"Yes Commander?"

"Kozo, if Mr. Kaji shows up at HQ, detain him for me until I get back. I've got a fish to fry at the moment."

"No problem, Shinji."

Ignoring Misato screaming at the sky for God to smite Kaji like a bastard, Maya grabbed the microphone.

"Fish fry! Shinji, you're a genius!" This got Misato and the two pilots' attention.

"I am/He is?"

"Yeah! We'll use that large oil tanker to destroy the core. Shut down the Angel's AT-Field and jam the tanker into its mouth before igniting it with a prog knife. That should do the trick." Shinji was grinning at this point.

"Looks like we got a plan. Asuka, I'll get the tanker and feed the damn fish. You blow it to hell after I'm clear."

"For once Third Child we're in agreement."

Leaping to a nearby ship, Shinji lifted the tanker and, as the Angel leaped up to attack, shoved it down the heavenly messenger's gullet. Seeing Asuka fling her prog knife at the tanker, Shinji got the hell out of dodge as the knife ignited the oil on impact and went off with a loud BOOM!

The poor Angel was vaporized in the ensuing explosion.

Saluting each other, Shinji and Asuka returned to the _Over the Rainbow _victorious as the Admiral cried over his fallen ships.

Turning off his com link with Unit-02, Shinji exclaimed, "Maya, that plan was brilliant. For showing a cool head in the face of an enemy and your tactical maneuvering, I'm promoting you to the rank of Captain. I doubt Misato could've done better in this situation. That is, of course, assuming we can calm her down."

The rest of the trip was spent trying to convince Misato not to shoot Kaji in the nut sack when they reached base.

**(NERV HQ: Briefing Room)**

After reviewing the report concerning the battle against the Sixth Angel, Shinji and Fuyustuki were discussing how to prepare for the Seventh when Rei, Misato, Asuka, and Ritsuko entered the room followed by Maya, the other bridge bunnies, and Kaji (who was wearing a spiffy pair of handcuffs at the moment). As everyone took their seats, Asuka looked around and asked, "Where's the Commander? Shouldn't he be here as well?"

Everyone looked uneasily at Shinji. Deciding to save that bombshell for later, Fuyustuki coughed to get Asuka's attention. "That is something to discuss later, Pilot. First of all, we need to introduce you to the individuals mainly involved in your duties. Of course, you already know Major Misato Katsuragi: Chief Tactical Operations Officer and Ryoji Kaji: Intelligence Officer. To my right, you have Lt. Makoto Hyuuga: Assistant Tactical Officer, and Lt. Shigeru Aoba: Combat Operations Officer. Next to Misato is First Child Pilot Rei Ayanami. And you've had the '_pleasure_' of meeting Third Child Pilot Shinji Ikari and Captain Maya Ikari…" At this, Asuka and the rest of those that didn't know about the marriage jumped up.

"Wait! Ikari! Is she related to that dork," she exclaimed, pointing at the woman.

"Pilot Sohryu, that's the Commander's wife you're talking about," Fuyustuki said, giving the girl a fixed stare.

"I don't believe this! I heard the Commander was an old fart, but I never would've taken him for a cradle robber as well." Everyone in the room flinched.

'_That definitely won't go over well._' Misato pleaded with the girl.

"Asuka just shut up now while you can. You're digging your grave the more you keep on. Commander Gendo Ikari died over a week ago."

Shinji got up and stared down the Second Child. "Asuka, as Commander of NERV, I'm ordering you to cease your actions at once!" Now the girl was _really_ pissed.

"WHAT! You're the Commander!" Blinking, Asuka wheeled around and thrust her finger at Maya, "Then that means you're the cradle robber you little whore!"

'_Uh-oh…,_' was the general thought among those present as Maya saw red.

"THAT DOES IT!" Lifting a foot unto her chair, Maya launched herself across the length of the table and tackled Asuka to the ground again. The others stared in shock as Maya resumed where she left off on the _Over the Rainbow_, repeatedly trying to bash the Second Child's skull in with her bare hands. They were even more shocked when the woman pulled out her gun and started pistol-whipping the redhead with the unloaded weapon.

Shinji eventually managed to restore order when he had Ritsuko wheel Asuka into the Medical Ward to reset all the bones Maya had broken. He hadn't thought to stop his wife until she grabbed a steel pipe in an attempt to play Whack-A-Mole with Asuka's head. While he was royally pissed at the girl for her comments, he was reminded by the fact that they still needed a pilot for Unit-02, no matter how psychotic she was at the moment. After the storm ended, Shinji and Maya had to give an explanation for their marital status that left many of them stunned silent.

**(The next day)**

After waking up, Shinji and Maya prepared breakfast for themselves, cursing the fact that he had to return to school as they ate. And to make matters worse, Asuka was starting today as well. Ritsuko had somehow managed to fix the girl up enough to allow her to go.

'_I just know that girl's gonna start trouble…_' Maya thought as she pulled into the parking lot of Shinji's school.

Kissing her gently, the young man smiled. "Don't worry, Maya. If Asuka gives me any grief, I'll have her tossed in the brig."

"You better. I don't want you taking any flak from her," she said as she kissed her husband back.

As soon as Shinji walked into the classroom, he was assaulted by Toji and Kensuke, who had seen the whole exchange.

"Hey Shin-man, who's the babe you were kissing? Why didn't Misato bring you?"

"That was Maya. I would suggest you not ask any more questions about that. It's been a hectic week and a half for me. My old man kicked the bucket finally and I was transferred out of Misato's apartment so now I'm living with Maya." The last bit caused the two hormonally-charged boys to groan. Now they didn't have a reason to visit their purple haired goddess of beauty.

Kensuke took note of what Shinji said about his father and asked, "Wait…you're dad died? That's too bad. But doesn't that mean there's a new Commander? Oh, I hope they choose me as a pilot!"

Shinji didn't have the heart to tell his friend that there were at least 20 children in their grade that were better prospects to be pilots than the spectacled military otaku. At that point, everyone else had made it to class except Rei and Asuka.

No wait, speak of the devil…they just walked in. Rei looked at Shinji and tilted her head to the side, having heard his conversation with his friends.

"Shinji, have you not informed your friends about your marriage and new title as Commander?" Shinji's body went rigid, already feeling the stares of his classmates boring into his head, though for different reasons: The girls because they had heard the word 'marriage,' the boys because they heard 'commander.'

'_Oh crap. Why me? Looks like I'll have to give father a visit after school today…_'

* * *

Well that does it for Chapter 3. I really liked doing this chapter, mainly cause I can't stand Asuka's attitude. Don't worry for those who wanted more Gendo-bashing, as I've got plenty of plans for it in the next installment.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 4: Holy Matrimony. Shinji has to deal with the fallout of Rei's little bombshell in class. Can he survive? Of course he can! He's the main character! Also, Shinji and Maya at last have their honeymoon. Love is in the air as the pair finalize their bond as husband and wife.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Read and Review people! The more comments I get, the more motivation I have to keep this story running full-blast. See ya next time!


	4. Holy Matrimony

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. Try to sue and I'll N2 your ass. I ain't in this for the money, after all.

Author's Notes

1) Thanks for all the reviews you've sent everyone! Hope to see a lot more comments.

2) LEMON WARNING: There will be a Shinji x Maya lemon in this chapter, so don't say I never warned you.

Now that the tedious stuff is outta my way…on with the story!

* * *

**Till Death Does Us In**

_By Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 4: Holy Matrimony**

'_DAMN YOU GOD! This is why I kill Angels for a living!'_ thought Shinji Ikari as he turned around, taking notice of the obvious jealous looks in the girls' eyes, with only a few exceptions. Looking at Rei, the young Commander sighed.

"Rei, I know you're a logical person but…we have got to do _something_ about this habit you have with saying things too soon."

The girl had the decency to blush, suddenly finding her skirt interesting as the bandage-covered Second Child scoffed and yelled, "Shut up, Third! Maybe this'll teach you to respect my greatness. How about you just give up and make ME Commander! I bet I'd do a much better job."

'_That's it. She is _so_ being moved in with Misato…'_ Shinji thought, knowing that while it was a horrible punishment, Asuka needed a swift kick in the pants for her insubordination. Before he could think anymore on the matter, he was pulled into a headlock from behind by Toji and Kensuke.

"Shin-man you dog! What are you thinking, trying to hide that you're hitched to that Maya babe? Is she a good lay? Come on, give us all the details," Toji said. _Twitch._

"Yeah dude, you can't hide these things from your friends. Are her tits big? How about her naughty bits? Tell all, man!" _Twitch. Twitch. _Hikari and Rei both could see that Shinji was quickly losing his patience.

"Aida and Suzuhara! Stop talking like that. It's revolting," Hikari exclaimed, hoping she could salvage whatever dignity her classmate had left.

"I agree with the Class Representative. You are obviously upsetting Shinji and I want you to stop," Rei added, knowing that if they kept on, they would regret it.

Toji wouldn't have it. "Ah, keep out of this you two," he said, turning back to Shinji before continuing, "come on Shinji! If you ain't banging the hell outta that babe, then give us a shot, would ya!" The poor boy never heard the deafening _SNAP_ that erupted inside Shinji's mind.

Then again, he never saw the fist flying at him until it was too late…

BAM! CRUNCH! CRASH!

The class collectively flinched. They just saw Shinji Ikari, a normally shy boy, wheel around so fast it was a miracle he didn't get whiplash and send the much larger Toji Suzuhara skyward with a vicious uppercut to his chin. Toji felt his jawbones snap together and crack as his feet were lifted off the ground before gravity brought him down back-first onto a desk. Poor desk…the weight of the large jock brought a quick and early end to its usefulness as it instantly crumbled underneath him.

'_Shinji has become...upset,' _Rei thought.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe we have a winner for the Understatement of the Millennium Award. May I present…Rei Ayanami of Tokyo-3, Japan!

Not bothering to see if Toji was alright, Shinji turned and stomped out of the classroom, stopping only to lean next to Rei and whisper something in her ear. The girl nodded and watched as her friend continued leaving. The other students gathered around the windows and saw as Shinji got into a black car that suddenly pulled up before speeding off.

Rei turned to her classmates and cleared her throat before saying, "Shinji has asked me to ask you not to ask about his marriage or position. He says that failure to give him some much-needed privacy will result in consequences quite similar to those Mr. Suzuhara just received."

The class decided to give Shinji his space whenever he came back.

**(NERV HQ: Terminal Dogma)**

"Wake him up."

"Sure thing, Commander," Dr. Ritsuko Akagi said, typing a quick command on her terminal as she and Shinji watched a clone of Gendo Ikari, NERV's former Supreme Commander, open his eyes for the first time. Looking to his companions, the bearded man suddenly lost it.

Eyes blazing, Gendo leaped towards the two, clearly hoping to throttle one or both of them.

Too bad he never took notice of the Colt magnum revolver in Shinji's hand.

BANG!

"MOMMYYYYYYYY!!"

Gendo now knew what being a eunuch was like, seeing as how Shinji had just blown his manhood straight to hell. Not satisfied, Shinji dropped the handgun, picked up an AK-47 lying around, and turned it on his father before pulling the trigger. It was 5 minutes before Shinji ran out of ammo, and by that time he was giggling like a madman at the pile of mush that used to be a man.

He turned to Ritsuko. "Give me another one."

The grinning bottle blonde nodded.

The next Gendo was not as fortunate as the first. Shinji had him flipped over before shoving a branding iron right up his ass. While listening to the screams, Shinji continued to vent, smashing a metal baseball bat to his nuts before using it to redecorate the floor with his brain matter.

The next six hours were roughly more of the same. After Shinji was finished, he had butchered over fifty Gendo clones. His methods ranged anywhere on the spectrum from outright decapitation to a bath in sulfuric acid (A/N: Think car battery acid)

At the end of the 'session,' Ritsuko thought giddily, _'Normal people would think Shinji was insane, but maybe I am as well…because I think this is just fucking hilarious!'_

**(NERV HQ: Briefing Room)**

"There you are, Commander Ikari," said Kozo Fuyutsuki, pushing a briefcase towards the younger man. Shinji looked at it curiously.

"What exactly is in this, Sub-Commander?"

"It is Adam, the First Angel. This was to be used by your father to control Instrumentality." Kozo looked on as Shinji smirked, bending over and lifting up a vat what appeared to be boiling oil. But something was off…

'_Wait a minute! Oil doesn't move! I swear I saw that stuff move!'_

"Shinji…what is _that_?!" Fuyutsuki asked, now backing away from the stuff. The chuckling boy simply smiled and put one hand on the vat, using the other to open the case.

"This, Kozo, is what Major Katsuragi likes to call 'instant curry,'" Shinji replied.

Fuyutsuki's eyes bugged out. THIS is what the major's cooking was like!? Good gods! Shinji had ordered him to move the Second Child in with the woman just hours ago…

'_Damn. Asuka must've really pissed him off this time._'

"So what will you be doing after we're done here?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Maya and I are catching a plane to Okinawa tomorrow morning. She wants to spend our honeymoon in the hot springs," Shinji said, "by the way, did you give the UN General those coordinates you told me about?"

"Yes, though he was still confused why you offered a favor in exchange for dropping an N2 mine in the middle of Israel." On the way to NERV, Kozo had called Shinji to inform him that SEELE was demanding his presence. Shinji had laughed and told Kozo to facilitate a deal in which the UN would N2 the council's meeting place (Not that they knew this of course!) in exchange for a favor from NERV Japan.

"Let 'em wonder. They should know not to look a gift horse in the mouth…"

Shinji grinned like the Cheshire cat as he poured the thick sludge on top of Adam. The two would later swear they had heard the tiny Angel squealing in pain as the 'curry' ate its way through the Father of Humanity and eventually liquefied him…

**(Okinawa)**

"Shinji, this is wonderful! I'm so glad we came here," Maya squeaked, hugging her husband around the middle. Shinji smiled softly and kissed her cheek as they checked into their hotel. Once the pair got settled and unpacked their essentials, Maya smirked and leaned into Shinji's ear.

"Meet me in the springs in five minutes, honey." Shinji blushed and simply nodded. The older woman walked away, swaying her hips with each step.

'_I have a feeling things are about to get hot and heavy._'

Oh Shinji, if only you knew what was in store for you tonight…

Upon reaching the hot springs underneath the hotel, Shinji looked around for his wife. Seeing her wave at him from behind a rock, the young man swallowed his courage and got into the water, slowly wading his way to the bridge bunny.

As soon as he turned the corner, Shinji's heart leaped from his chest cavity to his throat faster than he could blink. There stood Maya, wearing nothing but a towel and the skin she was born in. Tilting her head to the side cutely, she beckoned him closer. Once close enough, she grabbed his arm and, yanking him forward, planted a smothering kiss on his lips. Shinji was too stunned to realize that while he was kissing her back, Maya had divested him of his towel.

He pulled his head back and let out a pleasured groan when he felt the brown haired beauty's hand encircling his length. His groans only became louder as she stroked him. He knew that he would likely lose it soon if she kept this up.

Maya wouldn't have that, however. Before he could release, she let go of him and gently pushed him onto his rear. Grinning, she sat in his lap and slowly ground her hips against him. Shinji was on cloud nine. The beautiful young woman in his lap was making him feel better than he had ever felt in his life!

What was he saying! Spending six hours in Central Dogma with his old man hadn't felt this good…

"Maya, that feels sooo good," Shinji said between moans. Finally, he managed to wrap his arms around her waist and stop her movements.

Looking back at him, she asked, "What's wrong, Shinji?"

"Nothing's wrong, love. I just wanna hold off on this until tonight." Seeing her confused look, he continued, "I want our first time together to be special."

Maya blushed as Shinji leaned in and spent the next five minutes whispering how he wanted to take her in the comfort and privacy of their bed. When he was finished, the woman shuddered.

'_I definitely hope I'm ready for this. I almost felt ready to orgasm just listening to him!_'

**(Later that night)**

The young couple was currently lying in bed watching television. After relaxing in the hot springs, they spent their day exploring the island. Thinking about the time they spent together, Maya automatically brushed her fingers against the gold wedding ring Shinji had bought for her earlier. It had cost him a good 85,000 yen, but the boy had known it was worth it when he saw her face light up on seeing the little piece of jewelry.

Shinji looked over to see Maya in deep thought. Smiling shyly, he turned off the TV and pushed Maya onto her back, ignoring the small gasp that escaped her as Shinji pulled her into his arms.

"S-shinji…"

"Hush Maya. I want to be the one to please you this time," he said, pressing a finger to her lips before slowly unbuttoning her blouse. She could only blush as Shinji pulled the top open to reveal her electric blue bra.

He smiled, drinking in the sight before him. God, she was beautiful! Taking a deep breath, the junior commander lowered his head and lightly kissed her neck, trailing his way to the tops of her breasts. Maya moaned softly, sliding the blouse off to give her husband a better look and access.

'_I want him to enjoy this as well, but I guess I'll let him have his fun first,_' she thought. While she was thinking, Shinji reached around her back and, before she knew it, had unclasped her bra. Looking down, she blushed as the garment slid off her shoulders and to the bed before being thrown to the floor.

Her breasts weren't too large, being a sizable B at best, but they were a little more than a handful. Taking one in each hand, Shinji tenderly worked the twin mounds of flesh, eliciting pleasured moans and squeals from the young woman under him. The boy soon turned his attention to her lower half, reaching down to slide her skirt off. Maya lied herself on her back and lifted her legs to help him. The skirt removed, Shinji next took the edges of her panties in hand and pulled them off at turtle-like speed. Before long, though, he had a complete and unblocked view of his wife, who had stretched her body out to give him a good look.

Her womanhood was perfect in his eyes. A small tuft of brown hair graced the spot between her slender legs. Shinji slid his hand up and down her skin, loving the silky smooth feel of it.

Blushing, Maya asked, "Sorry that I'm not very pretty, Shinji." The boy quickly shook his head.

"Maya don't ever say that you aren't pretty. I think you're beautiful…" His words served only to intensify the red tint in her cheeks. Grinning, she sat up and pushed him back. He stared at her as she began stripping him.

First, she tugged his shirt up and over his head. Laying a hand on his chest, she left a trail of kisses down to his navel, where she unbuckled his pants and slid her fingers inside the seams of his boxers. Yanking down as hard as she could, Maya tossed Shinji's lower garments to the far side of the room and laid herself on top of him.

Not to be outdone, Shinji grabbed her waist and flipped their positions. Putting himself on top of her, he cupped her breasts and massaged them again much to the pleasure of his bride.

"_My god, Shinji's hands are magical! All that cello practice really pays off in the bedroom. Who would've thought?_'

It wasn't long before the young pilot had Maya writhing in pleasure underneath him. Burying his face into the nape of her neck, Shinji lightly nibbled on her skin while he continued his menstruations.

Eventually, Maya decided that enough was enough.

'_Damn it, Shinji! If you keep this up, I'll cum before you even have a chance to screw me!_' She gripped his shoulders and threw him into a roll. Shinji let out a loud OOMPH as Maya lowered herself down his body and tentatively licked his shaft. Hearing his moans, she figured she was doing something right.

Growing bolder, she ran her tongue up and around his member to moisten it before taking it into her warm mouth. She felt Shinji go rigid and heard his ragged breaths when she did this. Smiling to herself, she gently sucked him, feeling the organ in her mouth grow larger with each second. Soon enough, it got to the point where she could barely hold it in and so she lifted her head up, Shinji's cock escaping her orifice with a light _POP!_

Lying on her back, Maya set her hands underneath her thighs and pulled her legs apart, blushing as Shinji stared at her. After about half a minute, the bridge bunny giggled and looked at him with what was supposed to be an annoyed expression.

"Well Shinji…aren't you gonna fuck me?" she asked, hoping his reaction wouldn't involve words coming from his mouth.

She wasn't disappointed.

Shinji silently got on top of the woman and, gulping loudly, slid himself inside her. Maya groaned, feeling her body try to adjust to the rather thick organ invading her. After a second, the boy felt a barrier in his way, causing him to look down. She simply nodded, silently asking him to continue.

Gathering his strength, Shinji thrust forward as hard and fast as he could, clamping his mouth on Maya's to silence her squeal of pain. Looking into her eyes, Shinji wiped away a small tear that escaped.

"Maya…are you alright?" he asked. She replied by putting a finger to his lips.

"Don't talk Shinji. The pain's going away. Just make love to me okay. And don't hold back."

The young man nodded and began to pump his body rhythmically, closing his eyes in pleasure as the moment overcame the couple. Their bodies slapped together time and again as they solidified their bond. Before long, they were caked completely in sweat as they tried every sexual position they could think of.

An hour later found the happy couple at the edge of the room, Maya's body pressed against the wall as her husband pounded her slick pussy from behind. Her screams of ecstasy and his groans permeated the area, both of them nearing their limit.

"Oh Shinji, this is beautiful! Harder! Faster, please! I'm almost there," the brown haired woman screamed. Shinji responded by increasing his pace, sliding his hands from her hips to her breasts. He lovingly squeezed them and lowered his head to hers, lightly biting on her ear as her squeaks grew louder. He began to feel her body tensing up after another minute or so.

"S-s-shinji! I'm cumming! Shinji!"

"Maya!"

The couple screamed in unison as they climaxed. Still buried to the hilt inside his wife, Shinji gathered what little strength he could and pulled her to the bed where they collapsed in a heap. Breathing heavily, Maya turned to Shinji and cupped her hands around his face, pulling him into a tender kiss. They pulled the blankets over their soaked bodies and held each other, knowing that what they had just shared was theirs and theirs alone.

Shinji softly kissed his wife and whispered, "Good night, Maya. I love you."

"I love you too, Shinji. Sweet dreams."

The pair was soon fast asleep, each holding the other tightly in their arms as the moonlight fell over them.

Neither of them seemed to notice the fact that Shinji hadn't worn a condom the entire time.

* * *

Well that does it for Chapter 4. Bet ya can guess where I'm going with this right... And yes, Shinji spent six hours torturing and killing his old man. Multiple times. Come on, though…how many of us would pass up the chance to spend six hours doing whatever the hell we wanted to that asshole?

How was it? Read and review guys! I love comments, good or bad.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 5: Double Trouble. The Seventh Angel arrives and Asuka decides to be reckless, as usual. What happens when she bites off more than she can chew? Hope to see you guys next time!


	5. Double Trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Evangelion, so quit sending lawyers after me. My N2 threat still stands.

Author's Notes

1) I'm glad to see a couple more reviews on the story. Keep 'em coming everyone!

2) There will be a lemony scene in this chapter. I just wanted to give you all the heads up.

3) For those of you who enjoy bash fests: This chapter will constitute as my biggest one yet.

Ok then, everyone...on with the story!

* * *

**Till Death Does Us In**

_By Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 5: Double Trouble**

After the first night of their weekend honeymoon trip, Shinji and Maya Ikari had spent as much time as was humanly possible in their hotel room. And it wasn't because they were quarantined either…

No, the happy couple had decided to spend a good 75 percent of their remaining time screwing like rabbits. Another 20 percent was spent simply laying in bed holding onto each other. What little time they had left was used to eat, go to the bathroom, and go out for the occasional breath of fresh air.

By the time they had returned on Monday, their friends at NERV could barely recognize the two, they looked so content. As Maya walked onto the bridge to help begin a training simulation for the Eva pilots, Ritsuko noticed the shit-eating grin on her assistant's face and laughed.

"Well, well, well Maya, you certainly look…enthusiastic. Who'd screwed _you_ silly," she asked, not realizing the other bridge members eavesdropping on their conversation. They just HAD to hear this.

Maya smirked. "Well Dr. Akagi, not that it's any of your business but my husband was the one who, as you put it, screwed me silly." Her grin only grew wider at her superior's shocked look.

"Maya, you didn't! He's only 14, for God's sake," she yelled.

The mousy young technician was NOT amused by this reaction. Marching up to Ritsuko and grabbing hold of the older woman's shirt collar, Maya pulled her face down to hers and leveled a fierce glare at the blonde.

"Sempai, I'll have you know that Shinji is a child only in the sense of his age. He's a wonderful man and I would do anything to make him happy. Besides, we ARE married after all. Why shouldn't I give my husband what rightfully is his?" Turning around, she looked at the eavesdroppers, as if daring them to scold her. They quickly swiveled back to their stations and got back to work.

The pilots had also been listening in, however, and the temperamental Second Child was swift to make her opinion known.

"Hah! I just _knew_ you were putting out for that filthy pervert! You really are a whore!"

That girl really needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut…

"Asuka, if you value your job and your health, you'll stop that train of thought before you dig yourself a hole to the other side of the Earth," Shinji replied.

'_I swear, if that girl keeps this up I just may be tempted to fire her! I'd better speed up the timetable for finding the Fourth Child…'_ he thought, knowing that sooner or later the redhead's temper could force him to do something drastic.

"Quit arguing you two! Let's get this sim underway," Misato ordered, hoping to quell Asuka's fire through training. It was bad enough she still refused to acknowledge Shinji as Commander. If the girl kept butting heads with the pilot of Unit-01, then nothing would stop the boy or his wife from trying to forcefully pound some sense into her.

Misato shivered when she remembered Asuka's beating less than a week ago. Gods, Maya was scary whenever she felt that Shinji or she was wronged…

The two children nodded as the bridge techs activated the simulation. The three pilots immediately found themselves in a virtual version of Tokyo-3. Rei was surprisingly the first to speak up.

"So what exactly is the purpose of this training exercise, Major Katsuragi?"

Misato countered, "Well Rei, this is to see what you do when left to your own devices. This is basically a free-for-all. You each have three lives and will 'die' in a sense when your unit is rendered incapable of continuing. You're to utilize whatever means necessary to defeat your opponents." Asuka was now sporting an Eva-sized grin.

"Perfect! A chance to show you guys just who's number one…Wondergirl and Baka-Boy Shinji are going down," she exclaimed. Rei and Shinji opened a private com line.

"Shinji I feel that we need to…I believe the phrase is 'beat the shit out of her," Rei said, noticing the blank look her Commander gave her. After a couple seconds, he nodded.

"Definitely. I'll give you first crack at her. Here's an idea…" Shinji then whispered his strategy to the cyan haired girl, smiling when he saw the mile-wide smirk that soon graced her features.

**(Central Dogma)**

"Can they do that?"

"Well I did say it was a free-for-all. This oughta be interesting," Misato replied.

**(Sim Tokyo-3)**

'_Let's see…doll-face or the shrimp first,' _Asuka thought as she made her way to the center of the virtual city. It wasn't long before she came face-to-face with the visage of Unit-00.

"Ready to rumble, Wonderdoll?" Rei's emotionless expression instantly pulled a 180 as her face curled into a snarl.

"READY AND WILLING, YOU BITCH!"

"What the fuck…!" The redhead would later ask for the license plate of the truck that bulldozed her.

"How dare you treat my brother with such disrespect?"

Unit-00 charged straight at the red Eva, smashing its elbow right into the opponent's face. Asuka was bowled head over heels as Rei wrapped her arms around the other girl's torso and jack-hammered her head first into the ground, effectively removing one of Asuka's lives. Everyone on the bridge balked at having seen Rei Ayanami, Ice Queen of Tokyo-3, screech in anger at the German pilot before proceeding in opening a can of whoop-ass on her. Misato turned to Ritsuko.

"What the hell was that?" the lavender-haired major asked. Her friend shook her head.

"I have no clue. Whatever it was, though, it worked."

As Unit-02 was respawned at its original point, Asuka was fuming. She had been beaten! She would pay the doll back a hundred fold for that! As she charged towards Rei's position, she completely ignored the fact that Shinji was also in the area. As she rounded a corner, Asuka saw a quick flash of purple and, deciding Shinji made an easier target, barreled after the boy. She quickly regretted not arming herself first as she finished turning the next corner.

Taking a prog axe to the skull tends to make one think about such things.

Shinji smirked in satisfaction as he watched Unit-02 fade out, his axe still implanted in the crimson Eva's head. _'That girl has no sense of preparation,' _he thought.

Now Asuka was _royally_ pissed. She lost another life! She didn't have much time to think about how she would kick Shinji in the balls for that as she was instantly peppered with rifle fire from behind. Ducking behind a building, the girl found Rei taking cover.

'_You bitch! Trying to take me out again, eh? Not this time…'_

She armed herself with a pallet rifle and, cocking it, prepared to have a gung-ho showdown with the other girl. She never got that far, as she turned her head back forward to find Unit-01 aiming one of Ritsuko's experimental rocket launchers at her face. Asuka blanched.

"Son of a…" BOOM!

Unit-02 faded out for the last time as everyone on the bridge laughed hysterically at Asuka's expense. With the surrounding cover obliterated. Units 01 and 00 stared each other down.

"Well Rei, it looks like our little alliance is over for now."

"Indeed. May the best-" Rei's eyes widened as Unit-01 charged, tearing a building out of the ground before bludgeoning the azure unit to death with it.

'_Maybe I was too hard on her…,'_ Shinji thought, taking a pensive look for a moment.

'_Nah!'_

Making his way after Unit-00, Shinji was quickly stunned as he got blindsided by his opponent. Rei smirked and engaged her prog knife, shoving it where the sun don't shine, much to the bridge's horror. Maya in particular cringed.

'_That _had_ to hurt.'_

Before Unit-01 could completely re-spawn, the Angel alarms went off. Makoto slammed down the phone he had been talking on.

"We just got word from the JSSDF! The Seventh Angel's on the coast and it's heading our way!" Misato went to full military mode in an instant. She was also glad that Unit-00 had been repaired almost two weeks ahead of schedule.

"Get the pilots to those Evas, YESTERDAY!"

"Yes, ma'am!" In three minutes, Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were launched to the coast, staring down the Seventh.

Asuka Langley Sohryu was not a patient girl. Patience was a word that had never been added to her dictionary. Whether this was due to her own refusal to understand it or a lack of someone to teach her the concept…the jury was still out on that one. Be that as it may, the fiery German was the kind of person reckless enough to barrel into a gunfight with her fists flying. And unfortunately for her coworkers, that determination was not something she was putting to good use as she blindly charged the Angel with a prog spear.

"ASUKA! I'M ORDERING YOU TO STOP YOUR ADVANCE THIS INSTANT," Shinji bellowed.

"Shut up, baka! I only take orders from Misato in the field," Asuka replied.

"Second Child, I have the most battle experience of the three of us and thus I outrank you in that regard. We don't know what this thing is capable of. NOW EITHER STOP OR I'LL HAVE YOU SUSPENDED FROM THE PILOT ROSTER INDEFINITELY!" The redhead refused to listen to reason and kept barreling towards the immobile Angel.

Let's face it folks…Asuka wouldn't know reason if it came up and bit her in the ass.

Spear in hand, Asuka leaped into the air and brought the weapon down on the beast, cleanly splitting it in two. Misato was ecstatic.

"All right! Way to go Asuka!"

"You see that, Third Child?" Asuka asked, basking in her guardian's praise, "A battle should be elegant and clean." Shinji and Rei never dropped their guard, however.

'_That was _way_ too easy…'_ Unit-01's pilot thought. His eyes bulged as he saw the Angel's 'corpse' quivering.

"ASUKA! GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Say wha-" was all the girl could say before the Angel regenerated into two separate bodies and started pummeling her into submission. The two remaining Evas blasted the twin monsters from afar. Turning to the com link, Shinji screamed, "Fuyustuki! Tell the UN I'll give them bragging rights for saving our asses or something. Just get them to N2 that thing!"

In less than a minute, a bomber arrived and nuked the Angel, rendering it immobile and slightly melted as Rei dragged Unit-02 back to base by its foot. She never cared that the unit's head hit every large boulder that they came across.

**(NERV HQ: Briefing Room)**

"That was embarrassing!" Fuyustuki was now chewing out the Second Child for her actions during the battle.

"What about Shinji and Wondergirl? They didn't do a thing," the girl screamed, pointing at the two in question.

"If I remember correctly, Shinji told you to hold your advance. Speaking of which…" Shinji got up and stared Asuka right in the eye.

"Pilot Sohryu, your actions today not only cost us the battle but also precious time and money to repair your Evangelion. As of today, you are indefinitely on suspension for disobeying a direct order and for recklessly endangering your teammates."

"WHAT! You can't do that!"

"I just did," Shinji countered, "and as Commander of NERV, I have authority to do that."

That said Shinji walked out of the briefing room followed by Maya and Ritsuko, leaving Asuka to her fate at the hands of the highly irritated Sub-Commander.

**(Terminal Dogma)**

"Uhhhh…" Gendo Ikari groaned in pain as he woke up once more. His last incarnation had had the misfortune of having been strung up by his testicles with a very thin but strong wire while Shinji and Ritsuko beat him to death with an iron bar like a piñata. Gathering his bearings, he saw his son standing next to Maya, both of them wearing highly unnerving smiles and a large canister sitting next to them. Sweating nervously, he tried to move, only to find that he was tied down. He looked at himself and realized that he was naked, his hands tied together and his ass held up in the air.

'_Well that explains the draft…'_ he thought.

Looking back to his son and daughter-in-law, he glared, hoping to intimidate them in someway. Shinji just shook his head.

"I'm not afraid of you anymore old man. Now I'm in a really bad mood and so Maya and I decided to pay you a visit. Dr. Akagi…bring in the pit." Gendo was confused.

'_Pit?'_

He turned his head to the door that just slid open, revealing Ritsuko and a _very_ large dog. A pit bull, to be exact. Now the bearded bastard was sweating bullets.

'_Is he going to feed me to that thing?'_

"Gendo I'm going to give you just one shred of info to see if you can figure out what I have planned: I had this dog injected with a rather powerful aphrodisiac and I just sprayed you with the scent of a bitch in heat." Both Maya's and Gendo's eyes bulged at hearing this. The young woman turned to her husband.

"Shinji, that's cruel! But at the same time it's brilliant!" The older man wasn't so excited.

"You wouldn't dare..." he said, his voice coming out in terrified squeaks. Shinji grinned maliciously, holding up a remote.

"Watch me." With that he pressed a button on the remote, causing the leash Ritsuko was holding to detach from the dog's collar. Gendo screamed in horror as the dog rushed him.

"NOOOOO!!"

Only three people could hear the man's pained howls, and they didn't give a rat's ass…

**(NERV HQ: Hallway in Sector B, near Central Dogma)**

Shinji and Maya were happily walking back towards the briefing room, where they were going to listen to a plan given by none other than Ryoji Kaji for defeating the Seventh Angel. Silently giggling to herself, Maya opened a door as they passed and suddenly shoved Shinji inside. It turned out to be an empty conference room. The young commander watched as his wife locked the door and smiled at him.

Shinji gulped. _'I know that look,'_ he thought. The young woman in front of him was feeling a little frisky!

Sauntering up to him, Maya kneeled down in front of Shinji and unbuckled his slacks. The beautiful woman started licking her lips in anticipation as she slid the pants down, taking his underwear with them at the same time to expose his member to the cool air.

"Maya-" Shinji started, only to have said woman's fingers pinch his mouth shut.

"Hush you. I want to pleasure you a little before we meet the others," she said, smiling as she wrapped her hand around her husband's cock and slowly stroked it. Hearing his moans increase in volume very quickly, Maya leaned forward and slowly ran her tongue up and down the shaft.

"Ohhh…that feels great! Don't stop Maya!"

The bridge tech responded by happily pulling the young pilot's member into position before engulfing it completely in her mouth. Shinji could only grunt in pleasure as his wife sucked him off, embracing the vacuum-like effect she had on his cock. For five minutes, Maya alternated between sucking the boy's tool and licking it from every angle she could reach.

It wasn't long before Shinji felt himself beginning to lose control.

"Maya, I'm almost there! Keep going," he exclaimed. The young captain nodded and lifted her skirt, swiftly tugging her panties to the side as she impaled herself on him. Shinji let out a loud yelp, loving the feel of Maya's womanhood as she perkily bounced up and down on him.

"Oh god! I'm cumming," he gasped, feeling himself release his load deep inside the short haired beauty's womb. She sighed contentedly, smiling as she ground her hips into Shinji's lap a little before kissing him. Shinji simply nuzzled his face into her bosom.

"I'm glad you enjoyed our little quickie Shinji. Let's go before the others send a mob after us," she said, getting up and cleaning herself with some nearby tissues. The boy nodded and pulled his pants back on as the pair left the room, their hands entwined.

Fifteen minutes later, they were found chasing after Major Misato Katsuragi in the same hallway, who in turn was trying to beat Ryoji Kaji to death with a fold-up chair that she had grabbed after hearing of his plan to beat the Angel.

Really, how could he think that a _dance routine_ of all things would win a fight with that thing…?

**(One week later)**

After tossing Kaji's idea out the window, Shinji had opened the floor for any other ideas. Nobody had said a thing for a while before Rei offered a suggestion of her own…which probably explained why Units 01 and 00 were laying on a couple of plateaus roughly ten miles from the Angel's two halves, each gripping the trigger of a positron rifle.

Rei's idea was to give Unit-01 the same gun they had used to defeat the Fifth, Unit-00 an exact replica created by Dr. Akagi, and have the pair snipe the cores of the two halves before they finished their regeneration. It was a miracle that Ritsuko had completed the second rifle in time.

Currently, the two were waiting for the green light to fire while the Angel began to slowly flex the limbs of its two halves. Shinji wasn't eased by this.

"Crap…that thing's getting ready to move. Misato! Are the rifles almost charged?" he yelled.

Asuka looked on from the bridge. She was still pissed that Shinji had suspended her, and swore that she would beat the snot out of him for it eventually. Now if only she could do something about that bitch Maya…

Misato yelled back, "You got ten more seconds, guys! Get ready."

"Are you ready, Rei?"

"Yes. Let's make these first shots count." The computers had pinpointed the cores and now all that was left was to pull the trigger.

"You got it." The clock hit 00:00 on the charger.

_BEEP!_

"FIRE!" Misato screamed. Twin _clicks_ were heard as the positron rifles went off, the energy beams punching through their respective cores at exactly the same time like hot knives through butter.

The Angel didn't even scream in pain as it exploded in a flash of light and sound. The bridge cheered in exuberance as the Evas got up and made their way back home. Shinji turned to his comrade and gave her a thumbs-up.

"That was a brilliant plan, Rei." The girl blushed at the praise and smiled softly.

"Thank you Shinji. I'm happy that it worked."

"Let's head back to base. Come over to our place later, okay? Maya and I want you to spend dinner with us tonight."

"I would like that."

* * *

Well there's Chapter 5. How did you like it? I never liked the way the Seventh was beaten in the anime and wanted to spend more time whaling on Asuka and Gendo, so I decided to finish the Angel quickly. The next one will be more of a pain in the ass.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 6: Same Shit, Different Day. Shinji receives word that the Fourth Child has been found! Also, the teacher of Class 2-A falls ill and so the students need a substitute. Who is it? Read and learn people!

Hope to see you all next time! Keep those reviews coming and give me some ideas for torture if ya got them. Laters!


	6. Same Shit, Different Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, mainly cause Gainax does. Trust me; if I owned Eva, then Gendo would have died a horrible death.

Author's Notes

1) animefan29: I feel your pain. I was _very_ close to turning myself in to the Humane Society for doing that to the dog…but then again, I was also close to letting something a little more dangerous have its way with our favorite bearded asshole.

2) Thanks for the suggestions on Gendo torture guys. Electric Eclectic, I have to say that your suggestion has given me an idea, so I hope you don't mind if I make a little tweak to it. I have a feeling you'll like the outcome.

3) Keep sending in those reviews, everyone. It makes me happy to know that you are all enjoying this story and I can't disappoint the fans now, can I?

Anyway…on with the story!

* * *

**Till Death Does Us In**

_By Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 6: Same Shit, Different Day**

"Shinji. Love, it's time to go to HQ. The Sub-Commander said he had something important to tell you last night," Maya told her husband. NERV's Supreme Commander, however, was quite content to lie where he was.

That his current position also involved his face being rested comfortably in his wife's bare breasts probably didn't help her cause much either…

"Eh, let him wait. I'm _way_ too comfy right here," the young leader replied, lightly flicking his tongue across the woman's nipple. Giggling to herself, Maya crossed her arms under her bust and stared at him.

"Shinji Ikari, if you don't get your ass up this minute, I swear I'll make you go cold turkey for a month!" she exclaimed. The threat of getting no nookie for that long produced the desired effect.

Shinji grumbled to himself and pulled his body out of bed as he began getting dressed. Sometimes he wondered if being Commander was an overrated job. Sure, the pay was excellent and the benefits even better, not to mention he usually got to choose when he came into work. But the paperwork and daily meetings were a royal pain in the you-know-what.

Every couple of nights, Shinji would fall asleep and dream of tossing all that damned paperwork into a furnace and roasting marshmallows over the fire as he watched it all burn.

What…a guy could dream, couldn't he?

"Let's go then, Maya. Don't wanna keep Kozo waiting too long," he said. The two shared a quick kiss and walked out the door of their apartment, their hands linked together.

**(NERV HQ: Commander's office)**

"So we've located the Fourth Child?" Shinji asked. He had asked for the timetable to be moved up, but it had only been about a month since the Seventh. He already knew that the Marduk Institute, the so-called committee that was trusted with finding Eva pilots, was a sham. Kozo had revealed that it was really a panel commissioned by SEELE that actively searched for pilots.

And since SEELE had been blown to smithereens a while ago, authority over the panel naturally fell to the Supreme Commander of NERV: Shinji Ikari.

"Yes we did. The panel has been working overtime for the past month trying to distinguish between several potential candidates. They finally made a decision yesterday," Fuyutsuki answered, pushing the new pilot's file forward. He knew that Shinji would be a bit surprised at the child's identity, but he knew that the boy could handle it.

His marriage to Maya had superbly boosted his confidence and, while it sometimes appeared as if he was making decisions completely independently of the Sub-Commander, he always sought out the older man's advice.

Kozo was proud of Shinji. The young man was growing up, and his growth was reflected in the massive surge in morale and productivity among NERV's employees. Everyone was genuinely happy with their young leader, who had made it a point to actively encourage anyone with both work and non-work related issues to come and talk to him about their problems.

Picking up the folder, Shinji slowly opened it and took out the information pertaining to the Fourth Child. Noticing the name, his eyes widened considerably. He looked up at Fuyutsuki.

"You're serious? _This_ is who they decided on after a month of arguing with each other?" he inquired. The ex-professor nodded. Shinji shook his head in disbelief.

"Asuka is going to suffer from one of two reactions. Response A: She'll be happy as a bird and embrace her new co-worker. Or there's response B: She's gonna be royally pissed and somehow find fault in me for this…personally I'm leaning towards option B."

Fuyutsuki chuckled. Yes, that sounded about right, especially considering the Second Child's personal relationship with her superior.

"Well, has Dr. Akagi informed the prospective pilot about our offer?"

"Yes she has. Thankfully, the Fourth has agreed to pilot, but only under one condition…"

"Condition?"

"Indeed. The Fourth will only pilot if we provide benefits for the rest of their family." Shinji smiled.

"That's it? I certainly hope Ritsuko wasn't foolish enough to say something stupid. I want those benefits guaranteed as of now," Shinji ordered.

"There's something else, Shinji…" Fuyutsuki said. The younger man looked at him curiously.

"Now what?" The aged Sub-Commander smirked.

"The first branch in Massachusetts has approved the transfer of Unit-03 on orders from the panel for the Fourth's use. According to the Dead Sea Scrolls that SEELE worked off of, that Unit was supposed to be infected by an Angel during its airborne transfer," Fuyutsuki informed his commander. Shinji blinked, and then smirked.

"Then we'll just have to prevent that, won't we? I want Unit-03 transferred in the same manner as Unit-02. I won't take any chances, especially considering who the pilot is to be."

"I'll have NERV Massachusetts informed of the order, sir."

Getting up from their seats, the two walked out of the office. Poking unceremoniously out of the folder underneath Shinji's arm was a picture of a brown haired, freckle-faced girl with pigtails and a slip of paper bearing a name:

Hikari Horaki.

(A/N: Dun dun dun! Yes Hikari is the Fourth Child in here. I figured having this arrangement would make things more interesting)

**(Central Dogma)**

"Hey Commander Ikari, you and the Sub-Commander are just in time," Makoto said as the two highest-ranking members of NERV entered the bridge.

"Just in time for what? Is Asuka finally going to be committed to the NERV psychiatric ward?" the younger of the two asked. Everyone cringed as the vocal German began cursing Shinji in such a way that a rowdy, drunken sailor would be rendered speechless.

"I'm not sure that was a good idea, babe," Maya said, looking at the video feed coming from the simulated Unit-02. Asuka looked like a blushing tomato in Shinji's eyes, though it wasn't because she was embarrassed.

Nope, the Second Child looked as if she wanted to tear Shinji's arm off and then beat him to death with it.

"Hey, it'll motivate her to perform better in battle. I hope. Anyway, let's get this combat sim under way."

At that, the techs started programming the simulation in which Asuka and Rei would battle against each other in much the same way as they had a month earlier. Shinji felt that these battle sims encouraged creative thinking and strategy in the pilots, a skill that could probably end up saving their asses one day. Bearing his father's smirk, Shinji leaned into Maya's ear and whispered something to her. The young tech felt a smirk of her own creep onto her features as she entered the appropriate command.

What? Now you're gonna tell me that a married couple can't have a little fun every once in a while?

**(Virtual Tokyo-3)**

"What is this…?" Rei Ayanami was confused. She was sure that cars did not glow, even in a simulation. Nonetheless, the little Pinto situated at Unit-00's feet was indeed glowing a bright yellow. Curious, the First Child picked up the tiny vehicle and, feeling a strange inspiration of sorts, hurled it in the general direction of the vindictive Second Child.

BOOM!

A mushroom cloud erupted from the point of impact as Unit-00 was thrown back at least 100 kilometers by the explosion, which easily had the force of 30 N2 mines. Unit-02, though, wasn't so lucky…

It was instantly vaporized.

**(Central Dogma)**

Everyone on the bridge, including Shinji and Maya, stared up at the screen in a mixture of astonishment and horror. Maya blushed as her husband whispered to her, "That may have been a little _excessive_."

Misato was floored as she witnessed the carnage on-screen. She and everyone else were even more shocked when they heard Rei's soft voice over the audio system.

"That felt…quite refreshing." Shinji shook his head.

"So much for strategy."

**(Terminal Dogma)**

Gendo drearily opened his eyes once more. This was the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes!

'_I swear I'd be proud of that boy if it wasn't for the fact that it's ME he's killing,'_ he thought as he looked around. Now how was he going to die?

Turning around, he noticed Shinji and Maya standing roughly five feet from him, a steel baseball bat in each of their hands. Gendo blinked, unable to say anything due to the gag in his mouth.

_'So they're going to beat me to death again. That gets rather boring after a while...'_

Walking up to his father, Shinji said, "I know what you're thinking and no, we won't be beating you to a bloody pulp. At least, not yet..."

Not saying anything else, the pair stood over the prone man and, lifting their bats up, brought them down on each of Gendo's limbs with a sickening _CRUNCH_. Gendo's screams were easily muffled by the gag, luckily for the pair's ears.

Phase 1 completed, Maya started tying ropes around her father-in-laws limp extremities and securing the lines to a pulley system Ritsuko had whipped up for their use. Gendo. tears streaming down his face, turned his head to look at the front door, which had opened to reveal Rei Ayanami.

The man was ecstatic. Surely Rei would help him out of this torture! That feeling sank faster than a torpedoed ship as he noticed the azure haired teenager holding a rather massive chainsaw. The deranged look she was giving him likely didn't comfort him much either...

Activating the pulley, Maya began lifting the prostate former Commander into the air. With his limbs shattered, his body was basically dangling in midair. His horror only intensified as he saw Rei turn the chainsaw on while Shinji set a blindfold around the girl's eyes.

_'Good god, those lunatics are using me as a pinata again! Only this time they're using a saw instead of a stick!'_ he screamed in his mind as Maya lowered him to Rei's location. The man was unable to scream anything as the girl began swinging the weapon into his body with a strength that Gendo never knew she possessed. It wasn't very long before the Bastard King had been reduced to a pile of fleshy chunks.

**(An hour later)**

"Shinji, I'm running out of ideas," Maya whined as she stared at Gendo. They had gotten much faster at this killing business, having gone through at least 70 Gendo clones in an hour. Unfortunately, they were losing creativity with each clone they reduced to mush. The young man tapped his head in deep thought. After a minute, he turned to their other companion.

"Got any ideas, Rei? It is your turn after all." The girl's smile, Shinji would later admit, unnerved the junior commander a little.

Rei didn't say a thing as she flipped the Amish-wannabe over and, taking a stick of dynamite from a nearby box, shoved it right up his ass before lighting the fuse. The three instantly ran for cover and ducked behind a large desk as the explosive went off with a deafening _BANG_!

Glancing over the top of the desk, the married couple stared at each other before turning back to the fried human remains. Shinji spoke up first.

"Well I have to admit Rei: That was very creative. Now how the fuck do I top _that_...?"

**(The next day: Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School)**

"What's going on here?" Shinji asked as he walked into the classroom, noticing that the Class Rep was looking a little distressed. The rest of their classmates, though, looked rather happy about something. Turning the male pilot, she sighed.

"Ikari, the teacher has called in sick. We haven't heard whether or not a substitute will be coming." Leaning in to his ear, the girl added, "Can I talk to you later? It's about, well, you know..." Shinji nodded in understanding.

Toji ran over to his friend and grabbed his arm. "Come on Shinji, let's party! No teacher today. That means no boring old Second Impact lecture!" the rambunctious jock exclaimed. Shinji pulled himself free and took out his cell phone before dialing a familiar number.

Hikari watched as the boy spoke in a hushed tone to whoever was on the other line for about a minute before he flipped it shut. Turning back to the girl, he smiled.

"Our substitute will here in a couple minutes, so there's nothing to worry about," he said, much to the rage of his classmates. Kensuke smacked him across the head.

"Shinji! You weren't supposed to call in a sub! Now we're gonna have to endure a lecture," the otaku growled. Shinji scoffed.

"We would've gotten a sub even if I HADN'T intervened. But at least this insures that I get some entertainment." Asuka overheard the two talking and walked over, a glare on her face.

"Oh yeah? And just who did you call, Third?" the redhead asked. The answer to her question was the one who replied.

"That would have been me, Ms. Sohryu." Asuka's blood froze instantly. Her head slowly turned to the door as the members of Class 2-A got a look at their substitute teacher: Maya Ikari.

"Alright students, my name is Maya Ikari and I'll be your teacher for today and possibly tomorrow, depending on how well your original teacher recovers. Please sit down so we can start today's lecture. I've already been informed that your usual teacher has a disturbing habit of lecturing you on the effects of Second Impact," at this the students all sniggered, Asuka included, "so I'm not going to bore you to death with anything like that," she started. Hikari shyly raised her hand.

"Yes, Ms. Horaki?"

"Ma'am I don't mean to ask personal questions, but are you related to Shinji in any way?" Hearing the question, Maya chuckled and smiled at the boy in question.

"Actually, Hikari, Shinji here happens to be my husband," she answered.

The guys in the class all stared wide-eyed at the young tech first, then at Shinji. This was his wife? They remembered what had happened to Toji after they found out about Ikari's marriage, but no one had actually seen the woman before except Toji and Kensuke, and even that had been from a distance.

Asuka glared at Shinji, as if doing so would burn a hole right through his skull. How dare he call that little harlot to teach the class? What on earth could she, the great Asuka Langley Sohryu, learn from _her _of all people. Grinning, she raised her hand, gaining Maya's attention.

"What is it Asuka?"

"So, _Mrs. Ikari_, what will you be teaching us today?" the girl asked in the sweetest voice she could muster. Neither Shinji nor Maya liked the way the Second Child said that.

"Hmmm, while this is usually a history class from what I was told, I think we'll cover something a little more practical. How does a lesson in home economics sound?"

Hearing the young woman's lesson plan, everyone barring a few exceptions felt a twinge of fear. Shinji Ikari knew a shit-eating grin was on his face, but he didn't care.

_'Class 2-A, welcome to the home ec class from hell...this should be quite entertaining indeed.'_ the young man thought as Maya led the everyone to the classroom kitchens usually used for the home ec classes.

* * *

Sorry for the cliffhanger guys but I'm running into a little case of writer's block. I can assure you though, that the next chapter will be full of Asuka-bashing and hopefully give you all a good case of the giggles.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 7: Why Asuka Should Never Cook. Maya gives Class 2-A a royal rundown in Home Economics while Shinji and Hikari talk about her new status as the Fourth Child.

Keep reading and reviewing. I love all comments, both good and bad. It helps give me ideas on how to improve and give you guys the best story possible.

Till next time, everyone. This is Ama no Murakumo, signing off!


	7. Why Asuka Shouldn't Cook

Disclaimer: I only own the ideas spewing from my deranged mind, nothing else. If I see a lawyer on my doorstep, I've got my shotgun reloaded.

Author's Notes

1) Yes guys, I'm back! This seems to be my most popular story as of now, and I'm glad to be able to get back in action with it.

2) KingofthePhoenixes: Thanks for the compliment. I haven't thought of cooking our favorite bastard yet, but it's certainly a good idea. I have a feeling you'll love the idea I got going for this chapter.

3) animefan29: Thanks for the suggestions, they seem really great. Btw, you have GOT to tell me where the hell you get that sauce from. It might make a brilliant tool for a practical joke.

Ok everyone, let's get this show on the road. On with the story!

* * *

**Till Death Does Us In**

_By Ama no Murakumo_

**Chapter 7: Why Asuka Should Never Cook**

Maya Ikari was a pretty patient woman. Being in the military had taught her how to control herself in stressful situations, if anything. However, there was something about teaching a group of 20 teenagers how to take care of themselves in their homes that just seemed to set off her mental danger alarms. Especially when you take into account that one of her students was a redheaded girl with a nasty disposition and a habit of insulting the older woman's husband.

"So why are we doing this again, Ikari-sensei?"

Maya sighed. Asuka's questions bordered on the ridiculous today. She just knew that the German was trying to make her do something she would regret.

"Because, Asuka, you all need to learn how to take care of yourselves later in life. Wouldn't you be a little embarrassed if your future spouses learned that you didn't have a clue how to care for a home?" The redhead shook her head with a huge grin on her face.

"Why should I bother? Such things are beneath someone of my stature," she replied. Even Hikari was shocked at Asuka's attitude towards Shinji's wife.

Upon reaching the kitchens, the class dispersed into groups of two. Asuka went with Hikari, Toji and Kensuke paired up, and Shinji was accompanied by Maya, since he was the odd one out in the class. While the older woman returned to the board to write the instructions down, Hikari made her way over to Shinji. Asuka watched her friend wander to the boy with a hateful stare.

"Hey Shinji, can we go ahead and talk now while Maya's putting up the instructions?" the young girl whispered.

"Sure Hikari. Do you have any questions about what your duties as a pilot will-" was as far as Shinji got before what sounded like a deafening fart erupted throughout the classroom.

The silence was so thick you could've cut it with a cleaver. Everybody's eyes immediately swung to Asuka, who didn't even have the decency to blush. She just stared in horrified shock as the class stared back silently. That is, until everybody broke out in hysterics. Even Hikari was trying as hard as she could to stifle the giggles that threatened to escape her lips. The only two who weren't laughing were Shinji and Maya. They were trying _way_ too hard to look innocent…

Her face red in anger, the redhead got up and stared at her seat, picking up the object that had caused this public humiliation:

A whoopee cushion. (A/N: Yes everybody, the Ikaris just pulled the ol' whoopee cushion in the seat gag on Asuka. I couldn't resist!)

The sight of the balloon-shaped rubber joke item sent the class into another wave of uncontrollable laughter. This time the Class Rep couldn't hold it and started laughing her head off at the look on her friend's face.

Eventually, Maya was able to restore order to the classroom as she had everybody try to concoct a simple recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Thankfully, all of the ingredients were already there in the classroom so no shopping needed to be done. As the groups began working on what they hoped would eventually become cookies, Shinji was working at his own furious pace while talking to Maya at the same time.

The fact that he wasn't making a single slip-up despite his eyes not being totally focused on the cooking tasks was a testament to his culinary skill.

"Maya I have to admit: that whoopee cushion was classic. Did you see the look on her face?" The older woman giggled.

"Sure did. Hopefully she'll get the message and try being nice to people for a change."

Shinji stared at his wife incredulously. "Maya, I love you but the day that Asuka Sohryu starts being nice to people, I'll get on stage in front of all of NERV and sing Elvis Presley's 'Hound Dog' wearing nothing but a frilly pink tutu…" he retorted. Maya's face scrunched up.

"Honey, don't you _ever_ put that mental image in my head again."

Smirking at Maya, Shinji grabbed a handful of something and, when Asuka's back was turned, unceremoniously dumped it into the redhead's bowl of dough. The teacher-for-a-day looked down at what her husband had grabbed and instantly recoiled. She clamped her hands over her mouth to keep the laughter down that was about to forcefully expel itself from her throat. Shinji Ikari had just dumped a handful of salt right into his co-worker's cookie dough.

The rest of the class went by without incident, unless you count Asuka overturning Toji and Kensuke's dough bowl on their heads for looking at her funny. After the cookies were done baking, Maya instructed everyone to give at least one of their cookies to the other groups so that the class could see how everyone else's work turned out.

As soon as he received Asuka and Hikari's cookie, Shinji immediately singled it out and began eating everything else. To his surprise they weren't half bad. Needless to say, Shinji's cookies were a big hit. Asuka looked over and noticed that her fellow pilot hadn't eaten the cookie that she and Hikari had made.

Growling and glaring at him, she yelled, "Hey Third! What's the matter? Why won't you eat our cookie?"

Shinji smirked. "Are you kidding? Knowing you Asuka, it might actually be poisoned…" The rest of the class froze and stared at the redhead's cookies like they were going to bite their heads off. They hadn't really thought of the idea of poison…

Asuka glared even harder if it was possible and grabbed half of the cookie before biting down on it. It didn't take long for her face to contort into one that people usually get when they're about to puke.

She spat the cookie out and gagged with her hands on her throat, trying at the same time to grab a bottle of water to wash the horrible taste out. Spitting a couple more times, she looked at Hikari with a horrified look on her face.

"Hikari, how many cups of flour did we use?"

"Two. Why? What happened?"

"I think I may have accidentally dipped the cup into the salt bag one time." Hikari gasped. No wonder Asuka looked ready to be sick! The cookies were ruined!

Everyone started laughing again. First the whoopee cushion, and now salty cookies! This just wasn't Asuka's day.

Asuka was pissed! It seemed like everything conceivable was going wrong for her today. '_I swear, if Shinji's responsible for this, I'll kill him and his little whore!_' Luckily for the German, Shinji was unable to read minds, otherwise she would've found herself in even more trouble than she would know how to handle.

Shinji smirked as he saw Asuka's face go from green to white to red in less than two minutes as the whole fiasco unfolded.

'_I haven't had this much fun since…well, last night I guess. Man, Maya and I had a blast toying with that bastard.'_

_(Flashback)_

Gendo woke up and immediately noticed something odd about this reincarnation: he wasn't tied down in any way, shape, or form.

'_That little fucker's got something planned…I just know it!_'

Hesitantly, the former Commander slowly made his way through Terminal Dogma, taking extra care to peek around any corner or shadowy opening he came across. He looked for all appearances as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

After about half an hour of wandering through the revamped heart of NERV HQ, his insecurities eventually deteriorated to the point where he had begun strutting around like he owned the place.

"Hah! Looks like Akagi has made the biggest and last mistake of her life! I'll kill that little bitch first, then take care of the Third Child and Ibuki…"

His objective clearly in mind, Gendo marched straight towards the exit. Smirking to himself, he broke into a run with clear intentions to barrel out the door.

Too bad for him it was time for the other shoe to drop…

Two meters from the door, the entire floor gave way underneath the ex-Commander's feet. Screaming, he managed to grab onto the edge of the hole before he plummeted. Gendo looked down and growled. Protruding from the ground beneath him, like an army of ominous obelisks, were dozens upon dozens of pointy metal spikes.

Gazing back up, Gendo's mood turned even more sour, if that were possible. Standing above him, with grins that would've looked at home on the cat that ate the canary, were Shinji and Maya Ikari.

"I can't believe you actually thought we let you out on accident. Oh well, guess you aren't as strategic as I thought you were…by the way, I've got a joke for you, _dad_."

"…"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?"

"I don't know…"

"Simple. The bad golfer goes 'Whack! Damn!' and the bad skydiver goes 'Damn! Whack!'" Gendo simply blinked as Maya broke out into giggles.

"Guess which one you are…"

The older man's eyes bulged as Shinji pressed a button on the handheld console in his hands. Suddenly, another floor shot out from underneath the one Shinji and his wife were standing on, effectively cutting Gendo's fingers off as he took a dive to the pointy protrusions below.

"Son of a…!" SPLAT!

If he were alive, the Bastard King would've heard his son and daughter-in-law laughing their asses off at his choice of final words.

_(End Flashback)_

"Shinji…" the young Commander was shaken out of his thoughts by the questioning look on the Class Rep's face.

"Yes Hikari?"

"Can you tell me a little bit more about what I'll be doing as a pilot?" Shinji sighed as he heard this question.

"First of all Hikari, I'm going to warn you that it'll be painful. Very painful. I cannot count the number of times that I've been sent to NERV Medical because of my position as a pilot. Whenever your Eva takes damage, you feel it as well. And the higher your sync ratio is, you'll feel the pain even more strongly. I better give you some quick tips before Unit-03 gets here…"

Maya smiled as she watched her husband try to provide helpful advice to the newest pilot, who was listening with rapt attention. Maybe, with Shinji leading the fight, they really could survive this war…

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Well there's Chapter 7 people. Sorry its so short, but I was having a hard time trying to come up with ideas and figured I should cut it short this time in preparation for the next Angel battle.

Next time on Till Death Does Us In, Chapter 8: Swimming With Sandalphon. When the Eighth Angel is found inside a live volcano, NERV tries to capture it only to have the whole plan go down the shitter. Also, Unit-03 arrives and Hikari begins her training as the Fourth Child. Keep reading to discover how everything turns out.

This is Ama no Murakumo signing off. Till next time, everyone! And keep sending in those reviews.


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